How I Found My Way Back to Making Music

Neon Notes — Week [2]

I’ve always been creative.

Before I ever thought about releases or “finishing” songs, I just liked making things. Back in 2000 - 2001, I was using MTV Music Generator to make simple tracks. Nothing serious, just experimenting and seeing what sounded good. I even found a way to record the audio from my PlayStation and was able to burn a few of my songs on CD, but that’s a whole blog post in itself.

I ended up making around 20 instrumentals that way.

And then… I stopped making music.

But music itself never left my life.

Even during the years I wasn’t creating, music was always there, always playing, even if it was just background noise. I’ve gone to bed with headphones on at low volume for as long as I can remember, and I still do. It’s something I’ve done since I was young. I just love music.

For years, music wasn’t something I made. It was something I lived with.

That changed on January 7, 2023.

I was browsing bundles on Humble Bundle, not really looking for anything specific, when I came across a bundle focused on creating music. Something about it immediately sparked my interest. All these old memories came rushing back to me..

I downloaded the 90 day trial of Ableton Live 11 and started learning from scratch.

For the next seven days, I experimented nonstop. Clicking things, breaking things, starting over. Watching tutorials, trying to absorb everything I could. Just trying to understand how ideas could turn into something listenable. Besides my family, I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited, or passionate about something in my entire life.

After about a week, I made my first song.

I uploaded it to SoundCloud under the name “Synthia.”

It’s obviously a beginner track. I can hear the newness in it, the mix choices I made, and there was no mastering done. So many things I’d approach completely differently today. I just did the best I could, but I’m still proud of it.

Not because it’s perfect, but because it’s something I created… it exists because I made it.

Around that time, I also needed a name.

Laxrax wasn’t something I came up with for music. It’s an old online gamer tag, one of those names that never taken when I start a new game. I've been using that name for years, so I figured, why not.

For some people online, it’s the only name they know me by.

Using it for music just seemed like a natural fit. It wasn’t about creating a persona or rebranding myself. It was just carrying a name that had already been part of my life into something new.

At that point, I gave myself a challenge.

I decided to see if I could make a full album before the 90 day trial ended.

I tried not to overthink things. I just worked on each song, and took them as far as I could before moving on. I made deliberate decisions with the ability I had. 

I ended up completing that goal.

Right before the trial ended, I released my first "album" on SoundCloud, We Are Lights. I call it an album, but it's really more of a collection of songs that have somewhat of a structure.

Looking back, it's strange that I didn't continue down the path of music production after making simple instrumentals in the early 2000s. It really had me hooked, but I guess other priorities took over.

But that album wasn't about making something that topped the charts. It was to prove to myself that I could achieve something that not a lot of people get to do. To have the privilege of sharing my music with people.

This blog is part of that continuation.

I'm normally a very private person, so this is one of the ways for me to continue talking about music, and sharing a little about myself.

Thanks for reading.
If you have thoughts about any of this, I’d love to hear them.

This post is part of my weekly Neon Notes series. Look for new posts every Wednesday.