How I Found My Way Back to Making Music

I’ve always been creative.

Before I ever thought about releases or “finishing” songs, I just liked making things. Back in 2000–2001, I was using MTV Music Generator to make simple tracks. No pressure, no expectations, just experimenting and seeing what sounded good. I even found a way to record the audio from my PlayStation and was able to burn a few of my songs on CD, but that’s a whole blog post in itself.

I ended up making around 20 instrumentals that way.

And then… I stopped making music.

But music itself never left my life.

Even during the years I wasn’t creating, music was always there, constantly playing, even if it was just background noise. I’ve gone to bed with headphones on at low volume for as long as I can remember, and I still do. It’s something I’ve done since I was young. Listening never stopped, even when creating did.

For years, music wasn’t something I made. It was something I lived with.

That changed on January 7, 2023.

I was browsing bundles on Humble Bundle, not really looking for anything specific, when I came across a bundle focused on creating music. Something about it immediately sparked my interest. It felt familiar, like reopening a door I didn’t realize was still there.

I downloaded the 90 day trial of Ableton Live 11 and started learning from scratch.

For the next seven days, I experimented nonstop. Clicking things, breaking things, starting over. Watching tutorials, ignoring them, then watching them again. Just trying to understand how ideas could turn into something listenable. Besides my family, I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited, or passionate about something in my entire life.

After about a week, I made my first song.

I uploaded it to SoundCloud under the name “Synthia.”

It’s obviously a beginner track. I can hear every limitation now, the choices I didn’t know how to make yet, the things I’d approach completely differently today. I just did the best I could, but I’m still proud of it.

Not because it’s perfect, but because it’s something I created… it exists because I made it.

Around that time, I also needed a name.

Laxrax wasn’t something I came up with for music. It’s an old online gamer tag, one of those names that never seems to be taken when I start a new game. It’s followed me for years, long before I ever released a song.

For some people online, it’s the only name they know me by.

Using it for music felt natural. It wasn’t about creating a persona or rebranding myself. It was just carrying a name that had already been part of my life into something new.

At that point, I gave myself a challenge.

I decided to see if I could make a full album before the 90 day trial ended.

No overthinking. No waiting until I felt “ready.” Just showing up, learning as I went, and finishing ideas. Song by song, the project started to take shape.

I ended up completing that goal.

Right before the trial ended, I released my first album, We Are Lights.

Looking back, there’s a strange symmetry to it. From simple instrumentals in the early 2000s, to years of silence, to picking things back up decades later with completely new tools, but the same relationship with sound.

That album wasn’t about mastery. It was about momentum. Proof that starting again was possible.

This blog is part of that continuation.

Not a highlight reel, but a timeline. A way to remember where things started, how they paused, and how they’re still evolving.

This post is part of my weekly Neon Notes series. Look for new posts every Wednesday.

Why I’m Starting This Blog

For a long time, I only wanted to share finished music.
Polished tracks. Final mixes. Clean artwork.
The version that felt safe to release.

But the truth is, most of the meaningful work happens before any of that, in half-finished ideas, rough vocals, and moments where something almost gets deleted.

I’m starting this blog because I want to document that part of the process.

Not just the finished songs, but the uncertain, rough ideas too.

Over the past few years, I’ve gone back and rebuilt older songs using new ideas and techniques. Hearing the same idea with a more experienced ear has been humbling. Some things I’d change immediately. Other things I’d leave exactly as they were, even if they’re imperfect.

I’ll always keep the older versions of my songs and display them proudly, even when I decide to reimagine them.

That contrast — between who I was when I made a song and who I am now, is something I don’t want to lose.

This blog is a place to capture:

• What I’m working on each week

• How my process keeps evolving

• Why certain decisions felt right (or wrong) at the time

• What I’m learning as I keep moving forward

Most of my music starts with a vocal. That emotional core usually decides everything else, the tempo, the chords, even how dense or minimal the arrangement becomes. A lot of these posts will start there, because that’s where the songs start for me.

I don’t expect every post to have a clean takeaway. Some weeks it might just be a rough idea, a moment in the middle of the process before the picture fully comes into focus.

That’s okay.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s consistency, honesty, and momentum.

If you’re reading this, you’re seeing the work while it’s still being shaped.

See you next week.

This post is part of my weekly Neon Notes series. Look for it every Wednesday.